Oakley Bandits

As we continued our reign of terror in this big Pleasantville FOB full of M16-toting clerks, I saw a couple of my friends standing by some concrete bunkers, with a group of Air Force MPs.

Apparently, one of the insidious Anaconda Gangs broke into the Oakley shop and stole a bunch of shit, and when some of my friends walked into the shop this morning looking to waste money, they found the door open and a bunch of shit missing. The vendor ran up on them, spazzing out, and the almighty authorities were summoned.

[Sgt BenHur] had been in the PX earlier and had bought a Monster energy drink. The Oakley Shop was his next stop. In all their action-seeking glory, the MPs commanded him, "PUT THE CAN DOWN AND STEP AWAY! STEP AWAY FROM THE CAN!!!"

How in the fuck can you even call a tour of duty on this FOB a deployment?

Questioning went on for about two hours or so as each guy gave the same story. Walked into the shop. Door was open. Display case was open. End of story.

Personally, I probably would have made an indignant scene had I been one of the individuals in question. After well over a year of the shit we've gone through for god knows what reason, I just don't see myself taking any rent-a-cops seriously.

No offense, Sandy. You are not, nor will you ever be associated in my mind with these vile creatures. Stay tuned as the bullshit unfolds. I expect a year's worth of idiocy, IEDs not included.


  1. membrain said...
    A year's worth of Garrison bullshit will beat the crap out of being in Iraq. I normally check here every day but the last time I looked it was still the "Shh" post and now you've gone into glorious Suspect overdrive.

    I've read all the posts and laughed my head off. You made it Dude. We're all so proud. I really do hope you kept the Dragon Ball Z suite 'cause I'd love to see the looks on there faces in Kuwait when they're goin' through your shit looking for heroin. That suit would be just a tad to large to pass of as a present for your nephew;-) As if you give a flying fuck!

    Congratulations! Mission acomplished! Time to go home!

    Don't forget about us when you get back to Fort Lewis now, hear?

    Just a thought: It might be an idea to actually wear that well deserved CIB. I suspect (no pun intended)it will go some ways to cut down the Garrison bullshit.

    Just sayin'
    2SBCT Mom said...
    It's a shame that happened on the FOB. Wouldn't a simple search have cleared your friends? If there wasn't any merchandise on them, cut them loose! LMAO at the "step away from the can". Maybe they thought there was a real monster in it. Were the MPs doing their job adequately? Why did they let the shop get broken into in the first place? :).

    Glad you're safe and heading home soon. Take care of yourself and keep blogging from stateside.
    BigD said...
    Hey Suspect,
    Ok, the "step away from the can" priceless. I needed a good laugh and I can always count on you to provide.
    I am glad that you were not among those being questioned because I think you might have taken it a few steps beyond indignant! Then those M16 totin' MP's would have thrown you in the brig, or the hooscow, or whatever they call jail in the Army.
    I am enjoying the "glorious Suspect Overdrive" too. New fodder for blog posts seems ever present in this man's Army.
    P.S. Hope your rockin' some new Oakley's (*wink-wink*)
    David M said...
    The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 05/29/2008 News and Personal dispatches from the front lines.
    Zion Red said...
    As you know, I recently posted a scathing and unflattering blog entry about you. Now, being human, I have a lot of faults. It's only by the grace of God that I'm ever able to do anything right in the first place. However, one of my good traits is that I'm not afraid to admit when I am wrong and I do believe that I was clearly wrong in this case. I went back and read a lot of your older posts and I have to admit that I had the wrong impression of you. Plus, I had listened to some others that had the wrong impression of you also. Therefore, the only thing for me to do is to say I'm sorry and ask for you and your readers' forgiveness. Of course, you don't have to forgive me. That is totally up to you. It will not hurt me one way or another. However, you might find some freedom in it. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you return safely. God bless.

    I also posted this same entry on my own blog (not that anyone really reads it. It's basically just for my own therapeutic values).

    p.s - I find it interesting that we share a lot of the same musical tastes...just an observation. I'm
    actually listening to your playlist right now as I'm writing this.
    Anonymous said...
    tole 'ja, Zion. He puts the "RAW" in RAWKS!

    As for the MP, well, hate to break your heart, dear, but we're actually selected for being retarded. Anybody who thinks "Cops" is a training film when it's actually "Andy Griffith" meets the criteria for being an MP! We're all wastoids. If you looked at those MP's closely, you'd see their guns are probably not loaded because the battalion commander took away their ammo when some butthead shot off a round near the commander's tent while playing Wyatt Earp on a midnight shift!! Can't tell you how many Generals hated commanding MP units. Thanks for thinking highly of me, though. Shows you have SOOO much more class than I do! Come on home and we'll have a soldier's shot together.

    Aunt Sandy
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