Don't Recruit Me

I have no place on any more bandwagons. This includes IVAW (Iraq Veterans Against the War). I have no problem with them whatsoever and I commend them for doing what they feel is right, but that ain't me.

There isn't a single cause I'm looking to rally for. I don't need any form of salvation or enlightenment or redirection. Don't need my eyes opened to the truth, I'll just kick it here in the Matrix, thankyouverymuch. Still committed to my last cause as a matter of fact.

I don't want your sweatshop petitions or dates of when your next rally is. Don't want to protest anything. Don't want to read about your Scientology. Don't want to know where mankind came from or even where it's going. Don't want to hear about evil political agendas. Don't want to fight "the good fight", don't even want to fight the bad fight.

I spent four hours in that godforsaken guard tower during a sandstorm that brought visibility down to less than a hundred meters, letting my imagination run wild. While I'm up there doing jack shit, my platoon is on a raid somewhere. When I get off shift before they return, the internet is down. That gets the old imagination running in over time. Phones and internet are cut off when something happens.

Turns out my connection is just shit.

Still, with this going on, and being preoccupied with things like Short-Timing, why would I want to rush to stand under another banner? WHO CARES? I'll be perfectly happy with what I have, no sandwich board sign required. I don't need enemies. Got enough of em as it is.

This is what hermits are made out of.

Truth is that no one out there has the answers. There ARE no answers. It's just a chaotic, crazy, fucked up world and all you can do is grab life by the short sweaty hairs and hang on, laugh in the face of it and be a little bit reckless. Most importantly, just don't bother to give one peanut-butter-jelly-fuck about half of the garbage people spaz out about. Who cares?

So please, no pamphlets, no seminars, no re-enlistment briefings, no weekend retreats, no meetings, no re-education, no fierce debates, no nothing. I don't have anybody's fight to fight but my own. Stop soliciting cuz I'm not buying.

Lemme reiterate real quick-like: I'm dooooone. Finished and kaput. About to punch the time card and toss my good work shirt aside, maybe even use it to mop up the after-party. Devoted enough time to a cause, now it's almost time to start working my way out of here, to get back into that groove of normal. Sell me that. I'll buy a thousand shares right now.

I've seen exactly what following a cause can do. Following a cause gets people killed. Religious zealots are following causes right up to the moment they push that button, leaving someone else to clean them off the street. I won't be anyone's tool anymore, not after this.

So dust off the brand spankin' new cars and write the prices with soap. Line up the furnishings and appliances, just swipe my card. File this application, check out these SAT scores, yo! Lemme rejoin the common populace and pick up where I left off!

Ah, not yet? K, well let's start working on it then. I'll be out of the meatgrinder soon enough.

And when I am, as far as I'm concerned, I'll be nineteen all over again. And I'll know everything, just like last time. Sounds great.


  1. membrain said...
    You rock Suspect. Peace.
    Ky Woman said...
    You sure that you can handle "boredom"??

    Naw, I don't think you will ever be bored...

    Just get home safely!

    Worry about the rest later.
    Anonymous said...
    Now, THAT ought to do it! That's what I like about you. You're not a follower.
    Anonymous said...
    Man, and I was hoping to get you to be our spokesperson for National Grill Cheese and Pickle day... or Save the Guana Foundation needed you for their rally. No matter. You'll be too busy dodging your sister's payback anyway!

    Aunt Sandy
    BigD said...
    Hey Suspect,
    Now those were some powerful "morsels of awesome!" I am not laughing today. I wish I could use my nursing super powers to make it all better, but, I think that is above my paper. You are a fighter...and right now you are fighting to save you. Hang in there Suspect, you rock this chaotic, crazy, fucked up world everday!!!!!
    P.S. Is there room in the Matrix for me?
    BigD said...
    Great song, just about says it all.
    I have that CD too! Wish I'd found it first.
    admiyo said...
    I think you need to rework that post into song Lyrics.
    jenw930 said...
    There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be
    getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient
    and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails.
    -- Richard Rybolt

    Keep on keepin it real!
    Arli said...
    You're awesome. Take me with you.
    David M said...
    The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 04/18/2008 News and Personal dispatches from the front lines.
    Anonymous said...
    hell yeah someone who wont let the shitty world fuck em over...
    give em the old "its not my problem, fuck u" because it is NOT ur problem

    get home safe-- fuck war fuck everything... just live life to the fullest man
    Anonymous said...
    Have I told you lately that I'm proud of you?
    ~Aunt Lynda
    Anonymous said...
    Sounds like a plan. . .
    Cris said...
    I've been happily hermited with my child for 6 solid years now, in the peaceful Berkshire Mountains of Western Mass.

    There is nothing better in the world than a good bed and peace and quiet...except that I belong to myself now.
    Earl said...
    If you were just a little older than nineteen I would recommend you for President - the current contestants aren't what a Nation needs - but seem to be what America deserves, sigh. Still one man returning to sanity and normal (in your life not in mine - different norms) will be one more to be counted. Go gently, lean hard and roll on the throttle.
    Red said...
    You. Rock. Congratulations. You have realized that you have a brain and that it works. You can make your own decisions and stand up for what you believe in. Or, if you prefer, sit down on the couch and watch mind-numbing TV.

    I do have one very serious question. You don't strike me as the type to take well to 'normal'. What are you going to do?
    Anonymous said...
    Nineteen again? Oh, my, that could be bad -- but bad in a good way!
    Have fun!
    Stay safe until then, ok?
    themorethingschange... said...
    "I've seen exactly what following a cause can do. Following a cause gets people killed. Religious zealots are following causes right up to the moment they push that button, leaving someone else to clean them off the street..."

    After a while maybe you'll decide some causes are worth getting killed for....and maybe not.

    What I've NEVER been able to understand is why religion is at the heart of so much killing. I think one of the best things our founders did for us was to separate church & state.

    Is it too simplistic to say that where people are not well educated they are more easily led? Can faith blind a nation?

    I'm surprised the car people haven't been soliciting you. I remember in VietNam some of the guys were ordering their cars ahead of their return so they'd be there waiting for them.

    Hope you have enough dosh left after Tokyo & practical jokes to to buy a bright shiny new whateveryouwant!
    Just don't do it near Ft Lewis.!!
    They will see you commin' no doubt about it.

    It took a couple of disasterous impluse car buys before my son decided perhaps it would be a good idea to check CONSUMER REPORTS and pony up $12 for information from USAA before he bought another one...had the suggestion come from a grandmotherly internet stranger MAYBE he would have listened... ;)

    BTW,if you don't have insurance with USAA now you DEFINITELY SHOULD before you get out...just a little bennie of military life...
    USAA.com.... check it out. I started with them in my college years -- fondly remembered as "the 60's" -- they are literally one of the best.

    Anonymous said...
    "just don't bother to give one peanut-butter-jelly-fuck about half of the garbage people spaz out about. Who cares?"

    I don't know where you come up with expressions like this...but I hope to work them into my pathetic every day existance. Yeah, and get your sorry ass home in one piece.
    Anonymous said...
    I like what you said about your 1SG
    A great leader makes a big difference.

    Funny thing is that what I read between the lines is that YOU, Suspect, would make a true, caring and dedicated leader.

    Vixen said...
    Now there's an excellent life lesson.
    Anonymous said...
    nothing anyone could say could make much difference as you try to graze through each day until you get to come back to the beautiful "can't be killed" dream of being nineteen again. but i hope you make it back. i hope everyone makes it back, the sad reality is not everyone will. i'll be there sometime soon though, i took that oath and signed that contract two. just 4 years. but i imagine four years becomes a long time there. i wish you the best and maybe sometime i can give you at least some good bullshit food for thought, i'll hit you back when i have comic relief. keep it up and dont die, captain bi-polar disorder but not really. really though, stay alive. later
    I have one of those 1SG's that actually remind you of why you came into the Army. Without guys like that around we would all end up a bunch of cynical sarcastic a-holes.
    Anonymous said...
    Your words; I won't be anyone's tool anymore, not after this.

    Hold that thought. BUT . . . as long as you're holding that credit card, running up debt you cannot pay, and using stuff that doesn't do you, or anyone else, any good, you are still a tool.

    Just a different type. You've learned something a lot of old guys know, but never speak of. Wars are never fair, good, or just. They waste lives and property. Wars make innocent, well meaning kids, into hardened, sullen, men. Too aged inside to rebell, to tired to care, to confused to figure it out a fresh start.

    So, when picket fence fantasies replace John Wayne fantasies, we bite. We tug the hook, we swallow the line. It's all real man, all you see and hear. All you do. It is all real. No bottle or pill ever changes that. No car, no sex, no job, no fnatasy. Ever.

    The challenge is to remember it all, and do what is right. Because it is right.

    . . . Look forward to your safe arrival home. Think about it all later.
    Angel said...
    I think I just read the best "ignorance is bliss" post ever.

    Good luck.
    Army Sergeant said...
    I'm IVAW, but I don't think it's for everyone. Sometimes people need to relax. If you do want in, it's eventually there-though I'll point out it's not just about rallies and protests. A lot of us do other work. Some members actually veteran transition work. Do you already have a job scheduled for when you get out? Or there's peer counseling, for when you want to talk about stuff you're just not sure your girlfriend will understand.

    Keep in mind you can take the help without being a member. We don't discriminate.
    Chris said...
    You are a fine specimen, Suspect. Lots of love to you. Thanks for sharing real thoughts and feelings instead of rah rah bullshit and sanitized fluffy versions of your mental wanderings. Actually, those probably ARE the sanitized versions!

    Glad you're coming home soon. Stay safe til and after.

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