4.12.2008

Ah Shit....The Experiment Continues

Now and then I take it upon myself to firmly assert my position as the Bastard of All Bastards, Shithead Supreme. I can do this, even from the other side of the planet. With minimal effort, I had a gallon (yes, GALLON) of gorilla shit (yes, shit from a live gorilla's ass) delivered to someone's house. Was I wronged in any way? No.

Of course, this individual COULD act as my extended reach and use this newly acquired gorilla shit to get someone else for me, but in all likelihood, the dooker has already been disposed of, which is tragic.

Got a credit card and a desire to dish the shit out? go to http://www.poopsenders.com and enjoy.




The Zoloft Experiment continues with minimal progress. I still haven't been angry, rageful, or depressed, so I don't know how I'm going to gauge it when it supposedly kicks in. It may require the Old Yeller Challenge.

Side effects noticed:

-minor headache
-cotton mouth
-nausea
-drowsiness
-reduced libido (out here, I don't mind so much)

Gains thus far:

-Jack Shit.

So the experiment continues, with easy daily payments of discomfort and skepticism. I figure I have enough time to keep it up for a week once it kicks in, then come off of it and be over the half-life by the time I get back to the States. Progress reports to follow.



I had a new Ugandan tower pal today and we went with the norm: talking shop to keep ourselves awake. As always, the subject turned to women. That's a weakness in the cultural barrier. Men will always be comrades in the struggle with women, the only exception being when they are contending for the woman. The struggle between the men ends with one being the victor, and before long, the struggle between the man and the overwhelming dominance of the woman begins.

This particular guy was pretty fed up with women. He talked about a girlfriend he had for six years who suddenly cut him off, about cheating women, about a number of things. He looked legitimately bummed out, too. Not just the normal laughing and joking about the wrath of women, but seriously resignated. I felt bad for the guy. I didn't offer any lines either. In the normal world, this is the part where I motion to the bartender to get him a beer.

Here, I call up an inbound convoy and shift on the cooler I sit on.

He asked if I had a girlfriend on the FOB.

"Nope. You?"

".....Nope."

This is the most significant event I've experienced in days. I'm going to buy him a Russian woman.

15 Comments:

  1. Anonymous said...
    Suspect,

    Awesome gift. You're hysterical.

    Uncle Paul
    Anonymous said...
    You realize payback's s bitch. :)

    Lynda
    Jenni said...
    and there will be payback. when he least expects it...
    Earl said...
    THe overwhelming dominance of women, and you are going to buy him a Russian woman? So cruel, must be the mind medicated that you would do that to a fellow tower rat.
    themorethingschange... said...
    Six years? Sounds like a very patient woman to me. I'da kicked him to the curb about year three.

    Men....shaking head.
    jeanie oliver said...
    Hello
    You have no clue who I am but I have been reading your blog for several days now and have gone back to your past thoughts.
    You have a talent for writing--publish your work
    Jeanie Oliver
    www.jeanieoliver.blogspot.com
    theotherstrykermom said...
    When I read your post this picture came to mind... enjoy:

    http://steinbring.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/shit-is-a-weapon0730.jpg

    I hope the experiment will continue and that it will be beneficial for you.
    Anonymous said...
    The shit was great, we are still laughing about it! It was sitting on the island, and it looked like it could have been a nice home made treat until you opened the container.

    Love you,
    BK
    Anonymous said...
    TO YOUR SISTER???????
    WHO SUPPORTED YOU??????

    C'MON, THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous said...
    Buy him a Russian woman??? That's so uncivilized. First off, Russians are racsist. It not only wouldn't last, it wouldn't take. Try something cheaper like a Philippino, or a Maylasian.

    For that matter, have them mail him a real Ugandan woman. I hear there's a special on Ugandan, Rhowandan and Sudanese women going on right now! The Arabs have already starting the re-location process, they'll be fine anywhere you send them. Prolly safer, too.

    I mean, how much longer are you going to limit your talents to just shit? Whether it's Special Shit, or Jack Shit, it's still shit. Step up. Start trading in women, then you'll really know something about shit.
    Anonymous said...
    You're creative in a REALLY WEIRD WAY!
    BigD said...
    Hey Suspect,
    Now the shit has really hit the proverbial fan! Shit seems to be a common thread in your writing...maybe you should have Captain SomeDude check that out. Also, "Shithead Supreme" sounds like a great new sandwich at McDonalds. You are just a little turd, but, you are my little turd...ha ha! Take care you crazy little shithead!
    Red said...
    I should know better than to read this while folks around me need quiet. You make me lol...
    David M said...
    The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 04/14/2008 News and Personal dispatches from the front lines.
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