1.20.2008

Suspect's Creed

You won't see me kissing ass. You won't see me putting on a show bitching at other Joes to impress higher-up. You won't see me at an NCO board, because I've definitely scrapped the idea of shooting for Sergeant. That ain't me.

I won't be a Yes-Man. I won't take shit and smile about it. I will do what I can to keep myself out of trouble, generally. I won't fuck my buddies. I will always look out for my own. I will never take menial Garrison Bullshit seriously. I will do what I have to in order to scrape past said bullshit. I will take it all a day at a time.

I will hang on to my anger and my bitterness. I will not re-enlist. My deal with Uncle Sam was four years and I will do everything in my power to ensure that it stays that way. I will suffer assholes and idiots and leaders who know what's best but still piss me off. I will take it all with a grain of salt and will laugh on the inside because I know I'm being paid to endure this, and because I know that I will be out of the army in a year and a half (GODWILLING).

I will bask in my disdain for the entire experience but will not take my buddies for granted. I'll enjoy my time with the greatest band of miscreants I will ever meet, and will be thoroughly bummed out when its time to bounce out for good.

I will party hard, I will blast metal at high volume. I will keep up a steady flow of my antics, unapologetically. I will maintain my degenerate character throughout all. I will continue to walk the thin line between Overall Good Guy and Shit Bag.

I will do what makes ME proud. I will own up to my mistakes and embrace them because they will make the best memories. It'll all be over soon enough and no matter what, upon looking back I will regret not causing more chaos.

I will stick to what I feel is important and will humor the rest, in my own good humor. I will not be here forever, and will act accordingly.

But most importantly of all, I will take this strange life of mine and squeeze every last drop out of it, ravenously. It's mine and no one else's. I will not forget that. No one will break my spirit. An abrasive and defiant Fuck You, in whatever form, awaits anyone who suggests otherwise.

I will not lie down for anyone.






Wherever you are, in whatever situation you're in, maybe YOU need to throw a subtle or not-so-subtle Fuck You out there. No matter how big or small. A win is still a win. So that boss, that teacher, that neighbor, that stranger who cut you off or took your parking spot, that service provider that fucked you, that paperboy that smashed your window, that co-worker that undermined you, whoever or whatever it is that's getting you down, maybe they need a cold can of Fuck You. After all, Fuck You makes the world go round. It's the American Way, the last prevailing remnant of the Great American Dream. The people deserving your Fuck You have Fuck Yous for someone else.

I've never been without someone or something deserving this treatment. So fuck you, and fuck me, and fuck him and her and this and that and everything in between. It always feels better afterwards. Small victories are still victories.

8 Comments:

  1. WmEarl said...
    Not much to build a life on, can you see yourself in twenty-five years? What will you write then, what will be your word choice, your words of choice? Will it always be so sad (from my point of view) so hopelessly heroic (from your point of phew?). Take a deep breath and start all over again, it will rain and the Sun will shine but Suspect will win gallantly only...
    Anonymous said...
    Suspect, that's a high stress life style, but it's no doubt about all you can get at the moment. There's one more little thing to include in that bitches' brew of a game plan, and that's to hang on to ALL your identity. Whatever it is that makes you want to do the right thing, no matter how bolloxed up things turn out. Being able to retrieve grace is a critical component of surviving anger. Don't forget to include Suspect on the list of those that deserve compassion. Get more sleep, and turn the volume down once in a while. Someday, fuck you will lose it's meaning. I hope like hell you get a chance to get to that spot.
    Army Sergeant said...
    Right now, my Fuck You is for the war.

    But yeah. Live loud, until the time comes to be quiet. And hope you can quiet down when the time comes.
    Jessie said...
    Wait, you mean most people don't say "Fuck you" to whatever is bothering them at least once a day?
    Red said...
    *applause*

    What would I do without you to keep things in perspective?
    my own hero said...
    Whiskey Tango Foxtrot over.
    I have been reading your blog for months now. I am also an Infantry soldier. Up until about a month or so ago I felt as though I could really relate to you. But lately Suspect, well I think you just need to un-fuck yourself. I understand that it's hard over there. It's hard to lose friends for what seems like no reason. It's hard to get up every day and do the same meaningless shit over and over in an endless cycle. Its hard to deal with the fact that you are more a babysitter now than an Infantryman. What I'm getting at is that you need to just find that part of you again. That part of you that had to choke back a tear at your turning blue ceremony, the part that used to look at the "fuck you soldiers" and wonder why they were even there. The part with pride. The part that told the protestors to let you do your job and not stand in front of strykers. Suspect, you seem like a pretty good guy, dont let yourself slip. This fuck you, auto-pilot attitude will only be bad for you and your fellow soldiers. It may not seem like it some days, but YOU ARE IN A COMBAT ZONE! The more you are on auto-pilot and the more you say fuck you and fuck this, the higher the chances you might miss that dug in I.E.D.. Seriously Suspect if you need to talk to someone, do it. Not your buddies, or even your command. I know how they act when you tell them you have issues. If you arent going to re-up thats fine, but you cant quit in the 3rd quarter. So what if you try to get help and they send you home, you dont want to be in the box anyway. Believe it or not, the army does care about Joe. I was in a real bad way once and the army helped me get out of it. I was only an e2 at the time. I truly hope you can figure out how to get your shit right. I'd hate to see a decent soldier fuck himself up. It happens too much. Drive on soldier
    Anonymous said...
    My brother. You are ready to receive.
    http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/

    http://ipsnews.net/news.asp?idnews=39235

    http://www.rense.com/general78/eve.htm

    http://www.democracynow.org/2007/9/24/alan_greenspan_vs_naomi_klein_on

    Think man, think! You still have some time left. Setting boundries is a great start (fu*k You stuff, brutally simple, gut level boundries) But the WHY, the reasoning, the compelling facts behind why it sucks so bad, is what you really need to understand.

    And why it will continue to suck for your children and their childrens children, if you don't figure out your one small part of it and ENGAGE that reality.

    Endurance is just a small part of reality. Sure, heroic in that last great act of defiance sort of thing. Self destructive? Kicking an IED is faster, but the attitude, without the understanding, is just as fatal.

    But hey, if that's what it takes to get you through all this sh*t, then rock on. You're driving the bus. You can say who gets off. Drive on.
    Anonymous said...
    Write a book someday, please! Every time I read this particular post...I think...man...is this guy interested in starting a new religion? Sign me up in the Church of the Blind Chihuahua, for you are my God.
    Now being an old(REALLY OLD) JarHead, I don't normally like you doggie types, so don't get a fat head,it makes a bigger target! Stay Safe.

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