The Sick Twisted Truth

I was standing in one of the air guard hatches when we got a call that there was some trouble not too far away. The driver punched the gas, followed a few twists and turns of roads, when my view down a sidestreet opens up.

Two males with AK-47s are firing on the Iraqi Army. The taller of the males takes three rounds to the chest while advancing, and still manages to stagger forward, both of them out of few.

The truck pulls forward, giving me a look down the entire street. It's crowded and these two gun nuts have their backs to me. The vehicle isn't even stopped, but for once, I've got a fucking shot and a legitimate reason to shoot.

So I start firing, not even the well aimed shots we're trained to take. Put the red dot on the guy, and squeeze squeeze squeeze, death-dealing lead ejaculations courtesy of NATO. Firing like a madman, missing half the time, shooting a little too close to civilians.

Hey, this is what we came here for right?

Wrong. It was at this point that I woke up. In my bed. Not fighting the guys we're supposed to fight.

Of course not, it isn't that kind of war anymore. You missed the boat, kid. This is the slow simmering aftermath, the dying kicks of roadkill.

On the way here to post this and check email and whatnot, thinking about all of this, I decided to be a little more honest with myself. A conversation with one of my superiors just a few minutes ago went like this:

"Morning Sir. I had a dream that we lit some people up last night."

"Lit up as in...Holiday Cheer type (I'm paraphrasing and brutally distorting what he said, but my memory and attention span is shot thanks to television)?"

"No, I mean I got to shoot the enemy for once. Y'see, it's kind of a conundrum I guess, I'm a decent, moral person, but I want to commit what you could probably call 'Legal Murder'."

"Suspect...Do you need to see combat stress?"

"No, sir, it's not like that. It's just...y'know, wanna kill the baaaaad guys, 'stead of us just getting the brunt of this, FIGHT a war a little, I don't mean like wanton slaugh--"

"You'd probably make a great case for someone [I have annihilated another paraphrase, but his sense of humor is difficult to portray through text alone]."

At this point, he went about his business, knowing better than wasting the time listening to a near-endless Suspect Tirade about the moral yin yang of loving puppies and brutally and violently destroying and annihilating our sworn invisible enemies.

But hey, I guess if I talked to the right people, I could get some crazy meds right?

Or just...never get a civilian job?

It's very simple though. Those who sign up to GO to WAR go because they WANT to kill the enemy. This is safe and socially acceptable. I've never had homicidal thoughts about normal people, not even some of these celebrities I keep hearing about. But the objective of war, in all its fucked up UNglory, is to kill each other, usually for causes and reasons that have little to do with you.

Our enemy thinks that we're completely evil etc etc etc and we....well we think that they're psychotic overzealous assholes. And well, if I'm going to be in a warzone and lose friends out here, I really don't think it's too much to ask to just kill a few of these guys. Fair is fair, right? Not like they've never tried to kill me personally.

I can even say its for my country, that's the BEAUTY of it. It's morally and socially justifiable. This type of killing is A-OK, and worthy of a slice of good ol' American Pie.

Come on, I don't bash the war, I don't bash the President, I don't bash my chain of command, I just float on with whatever I have to do. But are we really just here to be a presence? Thought in "war", you were s'posed to kill the enemy. Not shake his hand.

In other news, when I watched "Death Proof" (from the double feature "Grindhouse") I was disappointed when Rose McGowan's character was killed, because she was really sweet, witty, and cute. There's the balance.


  1. LT Nixon said...
    Ah yes, crazy dreams. I guess they're part of any deployment. When I was on a sub, I used to periodically have dreams where I was getting crushed to death. This one is interesting though. Most folks I talk with have "Iraqmares" where they are getting shot or mortared, but sounds like you were on the good side of the muzzle. Thanks for sharing, hope it wasn't too traumatic.
    Anonymous said...
    cool dream

    what would freud say
    Anonymous said...
    Dreams, sounds like you will be dreaming those things forever as long as they don't turn to nightmares they work well. I think I joined to fight and kill heroically for the little old people and young that couldn't defend themselves against godless Commies in my era, I found it wasn't quite true as my imagination and noble spirit wanted, but close enough to justify the death dealing done, and they did get to try and snub me out.
    themorethingschange... said...
    I agree with "It nixon"--happy to hear you're on the trigger side of the muzzle...just a reminder here...don't let anyone you care about sleep on your trigger side for a year or so... ;) ~P~
    Haole Wahine said...
    And how long does all this fun last?
    Mattato Head said...

    Before I give my comments and opinions on your writing, I want to tell you what everyone here should tell you. Thank you. Thank you for doing everything you are doing, and for writing about all of this. You give us all a new perspective which has been needed since this whole damn mess of a war began.

    Thank you.

    That being said... This latest entry confirms something that I have thought since I started reading your blog a couple weeks ago. You are nucking futs. I mean that as the highest compliment. Anyone not driven insane by all of the BS that you have had to deal with probably was insane to start with, or doesn't have a soul/mind/heart. Obviously you have a conscience, which is part of what makes your perspective so valuable. A smart, thoughtful, soldier with a conscience, who is actually in the shit and asking all the questions he can think of... thank you.
    warvet48@earthlink.net said...
    Dreams/nightmares always carzy and make so little sense. I do my best te jst get me past them, they do have me on meds for them. Always hate the ones with killing, enen whem itls rightous killin. Enough said. Don.t let your derams rule you. And thank you so much for putting the wrod out tu us its the tie that binds. Dan E6
    Sean from DocintheBox said...
    I've had a few dreams out there of taking people out and I've had some real things happen that seam like dreams. Keep your head up, great writing.
    Anonymous said...
    This is one of those good news/bad news posts. Good news, you're a decent, moral soldier- the kind we need to keep. The bad news, you didn't get a decent night's sleep. You just lost a friend. If you DIDN'T dream about whacking somebody for it I'd be alot more worried about you. Not killing somebody doesn't mean you had the same job as some guy behind a desk way in the rear. You've still done your job. Be proud of what you have done and don't worry about what you haven't. You still rock, and you're still the coolest thing since popsicles. By the way, 16 pounds of cookies are on the way. Get your tummy ready!
    Love you!
    Aunt Sandy
    Anonymous said...
    You know, I think you are a lot more sane than you give yourself credit. Makes perfect sense to me that you would want to make "someone" pay for the loss of your friends. Keep on keeping on, your doing fine!

    Teflon Don said...
    I dreamed a lot while I was there, and some since I came home...

    Usually, I dream of a woman who was close to me riding alongside me while IEDs exploded. My mother, my sister, my girlfriend... those women.

    Sometimes, I'll dream of dead friends. Sometimes, I'll dream of battles like yours.

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