The Barrens

I've been doing the same, day in, day out. Just recently, I've managed to atleast get out of the driver's seat.

Flying down a "road" going thirty miles an hour (by road, we mean tire tracks in the moon dust that serves as this weird planet's surface), dust kicking up and attacking our faces, goggles or not, we wave like madmen at the local kids.

They hold their hands out, demanding something. Soccer balls? Food? Weapons of Intermediate Destruction? Who cares, just play dumb. We don't have anything good, dammit, WE ATE IT ALL, MAN! JUST KEEP WAVING! Don't take your eyes off of them until we're in the clear! I've heard these monsters will eat the flesh right off of your bones when you aren't looking!

No, it isn't quite that bad, atleast not yet. The repetition is killing me, so I've got to pepper this story with outlandish lies and exaggerations. Sadly, I've got nothing. I was excited just to be behind a 240Bravo again (you know, that big belt fed 7.62mm fully automatic weapon that every kid wants for Christmas? Yeah, that). I loaded the rounds as we exited the FOB, slammed the cover down...and that was the extent of the thrill. Nothing to shoot at, never even a possible threat, barely any SUSPICION, even by the standards of paranoia.

Dear GOD, put me back in the fucking seat! Atleast then I can recline and do nothing, rather than stand in the hatch while we park for a couple thousand hours. Honestly, I do nothing these days. Nothing. No free time, no action, no bragging rights, not even any real COMPLAINING rights. You might as well stop reading right here and now.

Oh, sorry about that, my mind wandered and I decided that picking at my fingernails would be more interesting. You get where I'm going with this? I'll keep you Earthlings posted as to the non-happenings on Planet Fukkaal.

Montana Slim out.


  1. Anonymous said...
    Hah. The recruiter failed to tell you that the Army sucks the fun and excitement out of everything, even combat tours. Looks like the complacency bug is setting in. If they wanted to realistically portray an Iraq combat tour in the army strong commercials they should just have you sitting in the sun for 4-8 hours straight, and then go back to the FOB and sit there until it's time to go back out again, eating the same food in the chow hall all the time, looking at the same exact stuff in the PX you looked at last time. Maybe one day out of 200 will something blow up, but it doesn't matter, there won't be anything to shoot at after it happens. Gotta love low intensity conflicts, the war of the future.
    Anonymous said...
    Well, hell, post even when it's boring, cuz we like hearing from you. Thanks for posting.
    Jessie said...
    Well, hey. You could be me. Who has like a 20 year old flirting with you, and all you can think of it "Oh my god, he was EIGHT when I started high school. God is a cruel bastard." every time the guy smiles at you. Which makes me think I'm a sick fuck every time. And yeah.

    Sorry, did that make your routine a little different at least?
    julie anna said...
    But even when there's nothing going on for you to write about, you still keep us entertained. It's not just your Iraq experience that keeps us coming back here, there are other things, like the way you observe your world. You write about it better than half the published authors out there.

    So is your T shirt made yet? I want one.

    Greetings from Texas, by the way. I can't believe I am here.

    Can I go back home now?
    Anonymous said...
    You make to most mundane events sound interesting. Keep it up!
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