8.02.2007

The Usual Suspect or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

Reclined inside the bowels of the green monster with white painted walls (to reflect light one would guess), black rubber pressed against the ears and cheeks, forcing out irritated beads of sweat.

Beep.

"Uhh...roger," EVERYONE says Roger first thing in every transmission over the net, even if they're about to respond with a negative answer. I don't get it. "This is [random call sign] uhh...we had to eh...'engage' an animal that was charging the squad..."

One of my eyes flicks open. What in the green piss?

Beep.

"Why all the shooting? Can't hit it?"

Beep.

"Uhhh....Roger, it's a cow, not going down so easy."

Take a moment to ponder the humor. I'll allow it.





Ok then. No, cows are not sacred to Iraqis. Those are the Hindus I believe. The owner was found and compensated in monetary form, and in all actuality, probably ripped us off, considering the malnourished condition of the poor excuse for a bovine now not so much different from a wedge of swiss cheese.

And now down to business, to deliver to you, the enraptured reader, the quick and dirty. It's been a great couple of days. Why you ask? Because we've been finding cache after cache, explosives, rifles, chemicals, munitions of all shapes and sizes, you name it. We've blown up so many of these caches, EOD ran out of explosives and had to use all of ours. We've taken so much shit out of the hands of these crazy zealots, its unreal. By we, I mean they.

I relax in my seat and read until it's time to leave.

The AC had gone out in the Stryker and it was an incredibly hot day. Given my tendency to disregard social norms, it wasn't long before I undid my belt and yanked my pants down to my ankles, Bill Clinton style. I relaxed in my shorts like I ran the Oval Office. And why the hell not?

CAUTION! TROUSERS MUST BE PULLED UP AROUND HIPS AND PROPERLY SECURED PRIOR TO DISENGAGING THE PARKING BRAKE.

Whatever works.

8 Comments:

  1. Haole Wahine said...
    Great news on the finds.

    re: Bill Clinton style.
    will there be pictures at 11:00?
    hooch said...
    kick ass post!
    Jessie said...
    Aw, sug. Don't you mean it was more Al Bundy style?
    Anonymous said...
    Ron White's dog couldn't have said it better: "It's gonna be a good day, tater!"

    The "Bill Clinton style" remark gave me quite a visual. Yikes.

    ~Lynda
    julie anna said...
    Ha. To funny. No Monica, huh?
    Anonymous said...
    Hope they don't send out any more cows! Very creative, by the way.
    4/2 mom
    Anonymous said...
    Pulling your pants down. Never thought of that. Might have to try it in my humvee one day here soon. Its amazing how no A/C is considered a deadline until its time to go out, then unless its some staff officers ride you suffer.

    Doc
    www.ffpblog.com
    Been_there said...
    Cows don't go down very easy due to the small 5.56mm AP rounds poking right through it like a hot poker. Same problem with 9mm, goes right through. Now the .50 cal, that should have done the job, or at least would have made larger holes on it's way through. Military doesn't hand out hollow points. In all actuality an M203 practice round would have been most effective at stopping the charge, not to mention covering the bovine in a nice blue powder.

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