Horseshit Sandwich

I'm still being prostituted from vehicle to vehicle, and every time they put me on a new one, I keep finding all kinds of things wrong with it. I swear I see the maintenance guys more than I see my own platoon.

We pull back into the FOB after yet another mission (and yes, I hit things with the stryker, mainly barriers), and we stopped to eat chow. I'm pulling the truck in to the makeshift parking lot and as I take my final turn, the fucking steering wheel comes off in my hands. This shit only happens in cartoons. I bring the truck to a stop and I just stare at the black ring in my hands. I flip it over, astonished and pissed off, inspecting the back. Finally, I stuffed it back onto the column, the way it had probably been for god knows how long, and no one did anything about it.

After eating, I pulled into the maintenance motor pool, parked the truck, and stood up on top with the steering wheel held up in my hand, shaking it for the guys to see.

Oh, and here's an interesting note for you, a nice little nugget of simmered rage brought to you in full by good ol' Suspect here. You all know what the USO is, right? COURSE YA DO!

Dave Attell is making a stop here to entertain us trooply types. That's pretty cool if you ask me, and I'd love to see the show. I mean think about it, the guy is an unabashed alcoholic. He'd fit right in with this crowd.

Now I've seen plenty of USO videos, and there's always that serious moment when the performers look at everyone in the crowd and thank them for what they're doing, and how they risk their lives everyday. And that's probably what good ol' Dave is going to do. I'll have to find out from someone. Because those of us who are risking our lives everyday AREN'T GOING TO BE AT THE SHOW BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO BE TOO BUSY RISKING OUR LIVES! But I hope the clerks clap loudly for us. Laugh hard. Feel loved.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not dogging on other military jobs, they're all important and I wouldn't try to downplay anyone (I try to avoid using the POG word because its kind of a prick thing to say), but it's pretty much the truth. Those of us that DO go out and get shot at, blown up, shit on, relieved two hours late, those of us that piss in bottles, we're not around for these fun little events. We're either on mission, eating/doing maintenance, or getting a little sleep before it's time to go do it all again. So these shows that are put on in order to raise our morale, lower our stress level, make us feel better, take the edge off, well looks like they're going to the soldiers who chill in the AC.

And you now what? I don't fuckin blame em. They chose the smart job. This kind of the thing just comes with the territory of being a grunt, so be it.

Fucking BUMMER huh?


  1. Rejenia said...
    Yeah, it is a "what you said." Bet your truck doesn't break down that day. Wouldn't want you to be able to hear from the motorpool, or anything. so it goes ...
    sqd-ldr-hefe said...
    It's funny. This post brought back many memories of OIFIII (2005). It's so true about USO shows and base amenities getting used and abused by the FOB dwellers. I specifically remember my attitude getting worse and worse as the deployment went on. I decided to vote with my feet and didn't reenlist, especially after the 100th rule came out about what you could wear to the bathroom or the chow hall in a combat zone. For some officer's that's all they do all day. Think of stupid FOB rules for the Sgt Majors to go enforce since these people can't do any of the "real" work while the noncom's and below are out fighting the fight. I also thought it was interesting how each FOB had it's own style of government and the rules had to be learned all over again wherever you went.
    Jessie said...
    Wow, I thought you were driving my car for a minute there. No lie. When you've got something I drive? Y'all are in piss poor shape. Cause dude, seriously. Just. Wow.
    Anonymous said...
    Thank you, Ryan, for every day of service.
    Jenni said...
    Remember the time you took me to Hastings in your dependable Citation?

    "Doughboy, what are you doing?!"

    "The driver side door doesn't open."

    So you crawled in through the passenger side...nothing like the adrenaline rush that comes from knowing there's nothing between you and crazy 10th Ave drivers but a bungee cord... ;)

    Miss you...I've been listening to that Audioslave song...I think it's one of my new favorites. Anyway, hope your books are treating you well and Chris says hi.

    PS At least the military is better at giving raises than Blockbuster...
    Anonymous said...
    damn REMFs...
    Sheena Nichole said...
    Ryan...you make me laugh.. and I appreciate everything you guys all do over there! Hit me up with your address and I'd like to send you a package for your journeys... <3 your dear cuzin Sheena
    i still remember as children you used to chase me around the meadowlark playground calling a very derogatory name...lol...oh to be nieve again!!

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