The Creed of the Specialist

No one gets away with more than I. I am a non Non-Commissioned Officer, a beast of burden. As a junior enlisted soldier I realize that I am a member of an under appreciated and much chastised group of soldiers known as the ribcage, or perhaps pancreas, of the Army.

I am proud of myself and my fellow Specialists who continue to bitch, whine, and sham until the absolute last second regardless of the mission at hand. I will use my grade and position to avoid responsibility, accountability, and any sense of presence of mind.

Ignorance is my watchword. My two best excuses will always be on the tip of my tongue : “I didn’t know!” And “It wasn’t me!” I will strive to maintain invisible and unavailable for details. Never ever volunteer for anything is my rallying cry. I am aware of my role as a SPC or SPC(P) and if you need me for anything, I’ll be on appointment. I know the other soldiers, and I will always refer to them by their first name or in some cases a derogatory nickname. On weekends or days off I will consistently drink myself into oblivion and I will never answer my phone. I understand for a person in hierarchical position rewards are going to be few and far between, and punishment will always be swift and severe.

Officers of my unit will have maximum time to accomplish their duties because I will be accomplishing them for them. I will kiss up to their faces and badmouth them behind their backs just like everyone else. I will be loyal to those with whom I serve. Provided that there is something in it for me. I am the last bastion of common sense that stand as a wall between me and the Army philosophy of “Work harder, not smarter!” My voice is a tool and my complaints are a weapon that I wield with unmatched skill and finesse. I will not forget, nor will I allow my comrades to forget, Specialist is the greatest rank in the Army. And rank has it’s privileges.


  1. Jenni said...
    Grandma Norma: "The trouble with boys is they spend more time trying to figure out how to get out of doing chores than just doing them." Just kidding...your post made me think of that though!

    Spent all day yesterday watching my first season of Scrubs. Great hangover cure. Now if only I had my second season...oh wait, someone "accidentally" took it with them after coming home on leave. Oh well, the first season of House was on sale at Hasting's. Cory and I watched it last night...and we couldn't believe how similar your sense of humor is to House's.

    Anonymous said...
    Have you been promoted???
    TheUsualSuspect said...
    I've been a specialist for a while, this is just something I found today and felt I should share. In fact, as I read it, I didn't get up when asked to help with some menial task. That's how PUMPED I was.
    Anonymous said...
    Well, belated CONGRATS! I love the creed; I've lived it myself! :)
    Anonymous said...
    *Shaking my head* It's amazing how you summed up my entire military career... once again YOU ROCK!

    Aunt Sandy
    Anonymous said...
    Dude you are so right. When I was infantry I stayed specialist for as long as I could. Its the best rank in the army, you have all of the power and none of the responsibility. They finally had to force me into being an E5, and E5 is total suck, the specialists ignore you and everyone else shits on you.
    Rodrigo said...
    Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

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