not From The Heart Yet

Here is another night straight from the source, halfway through a night of drunken debauchery, the strip club ignored for the sake of forsaking monetary expentature for my own entertainment. No need to ridicule someone else to accent the fact that I made a VERY dumb/difficult/respectable decision.

A bar crawl later, me expertly dodging shots and drinks like Tenchu the assassin, brings me to the unclear visual adventure that drags us back to the same unfamiliar yet Poor Excuse For Home Living Quarters. I survive the tidal wave of drunken OH SHIT THEY ARE SENDING US TO IRAQ, and come out giggling.

My night is not over, at all. It will most likely result in me MAYBE, MAYBE, MAYBE, MAYBE showing up for first formation at 0630 AM still good and drunk. Did I mention MAYBE? If I dont show? A counseling statement? What are they going to do? DEPLOY ME?

Come on. I stand steadfast by my decision since day one. Even though I have learned about all the discrepancies and heaps of bullshit that the army commercials and Black Hawk Down movies omit, I am still not ashamed of my decision. I am still immensely proud to come from my military lineage, which by the way, I was never fully aware of until I signed my poor excuse for a high-school-graduate life away. Without including the sour grapes they all incurred (the first Five to email me about this will be the ones to collect the cash if/when I am wrong/forget) I trample other last names at any given point, even if it falls on indifferent ears, to announce where I've come from.

I cant give you the Shakespearian heatstopper you all want, and Im not even trying. Im beyond prober punctuation on this slightly destroyed keyboard. Heres the deal. I have reached the precipice of what Ive strived for this entire time. I signed up to be a fucking man and not an idiot protester for no fucking reason, to be someone who ignores the fact that maybe, just maybw our government is fucking up, and raising one feeble right hand to help out these other poor bastards who are carelessly enlisting for whatever reason.

I was never here for me. Come on, if it were all about me, Id be using my coniving verbal skills to talk my family into "loaning" me a few bucks, as it were.

Come on. Here is the real deal.

I was inspired, and quasi-patriotic, and fooled by the media-bullshit, and a few other things, and bottom line, I decided, in my nineteen year old infinite wisdom, that I should do this.

Well sorry folks, none of you invented time travel.

So here is where I suck it up, as my family knows Im likely to say, and drive on. There is NO changing anything now. Nike commercials dont sum it up.

Just fucking do it. Get it over with. Suck it up. Be what you said you would be. Fulfill your oath. Dont ever let anyone see you be less than what you promised to be. Fulfill your promise, get out if thats your thing. Just fuckin do it, and dont bitch. Theres plenty of time for that.

But since Im not partial to any particular side, also know that my best friend, former roommater, medically discharged, is having a hell of a time with the VETERANS AFFAIRS.

Supposedly its even worse than dealing with the normal army. Hopefully someone out there can help.

That aside, Im out for now. Vote one of these days, and vote smart.


  1. janie said...
    Take care, Soldier.

    God Speed.
    Anonymous said...
    From one of the "military lineage" you spoke about, I hope you feel you are doing this for you, not because of what the rest of us want you to do. The fact is, most of us were not where you are now. In fact, we are not only impressed by you, we're inspired by you. Sorry we're such wussies and don't tell you that! We wish we could keep you safe, or maybe find some desk in some dark office in a back room at some Air Force-reject building on some left over base. But that's not reality. So, don't think you'll be the only one showing up drunk for formation, and don't think you're the first soldier to ever do that. In fact, some of us could probably fill you in on some stories about how we got to formation (most of which we are guessing 'cuz we were too drunk to remember!) Be cool. Come back healthy.
    Anonymous said...
    Well soldier, anyone who can pound out prose in an inebrieted state is positively a writer!
    We thank you and stand behind you all the way.
    Cathy B and family
    Anonymous said...
    We are all very proud of you.

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