Cheese Grater Meets Nipples

Flinching already? Well here's the deal. We went for a nice little run this morning, and when its cold out, this is what happens.

Increased heart rate and bloodflow as well as physical exhertion and an increase in respirations generates body heat. PT shirts are made of cotton. PT jackets are some weird polyester or some other windbreaker crap that no one cares about.

Liquids turn cold quickly. Cold sweat against a warm body. Cold sweat soaking into a cotton shirt. Cold wet cotton shirt rubbing repeatedly against my poor nipples. By the time you realize it, its too late. You already know that as soon as you get into the shower, razor blades are going to pour onto your little red tenders. I've actually seen one guy come back from PT with blood spots on his chest. That was cool.

Q: Top five favorite movies.
A: Its impossible for me to pick absolute favorites, but I CAN name a few that I really like. Anything Tarantino or Tim Burton, Trainspotting, Punch Drunk Love, A Scanner Darkly, Heat, Collateral, Lost In Translation. I can seriously go on forever.

Q: It's FRIDAY! Does the end of the week hold the same meaning in the military, or is every day,including the weekend, the same routine?
A: Usually we have weekends off here in the states. There's still a chance you can have CQ (sit at a desk for 24 hours and tell people when their pizza arrives). Once in a while you will have to work though. Thats usually during a field problem, or coming back from one, or preparing to fight forest fires, or for whatever reason where you're on a tight schedule. Or even if its something as simple as something that can only be done on that day. But almost always, it means its the weekend, and the barracks are going to be empty.

Q: What was your worst high school experience? No fair saying 'all of it'!
A: High school was awesome. I'd do the whole thing over if I could. But now I'm too old for the girls, so sometimes I guess you just have to let go. As for worst experience, I'm not too sure. I don't really hang on to the bad much. I think the most memorable was the conflicts I'd have with teachers I didn't see eye to eye with.

Office Skills, 2nd period, junior year

Me: Excuse me, does one indent when writing a memo?

Bob Hope's Kindergarten Teacher: It should be in your book.

Me: Well yeah, I know that, but it isn't very clear. There's several different types of memos and I can't find a clear answer with this particular one.

The Old Lady From Titanic: Well I guess you're going to have to figure it out.

Now here is where I lose my patience, as I am filled with teenage angst and self-righteous rebellion.

Me: Excuse me, do you teach? Is that what you get paid to do? I'm curious. Do you or don't you? I'd really like to know, because right now, I'm stumped on some minor detail that applies to a skill I'm never going to use because I'm never going to chain myself to a desk and rot in a cubicle as some pitiful yes-man. Are you going to help me, or should I just steal the answer from someone else?

I got in trouble for that one. There were a few other ones too. I was going to graduate a semester early my senior year, and I had a B in both of my English classes. One of the teachers failed my senior research project because the citations or note cards or something weren't up to par. Regardless of the fact that the points the assignment was worth should have only dropped me to a C or maybe even a D, it was an automatic failure. And then she wondered why I gave up in the class. I remember one day she asked me why I was so mean. Hahahaha. I think every year I had one main authority figure that I butted heads with. It was a lot like in the movie Donnie Darko, when the health teacher is shoving some new age crap down the students' throats, and Donnie argues about the logic of it, and when he gets nowhere, finally tells her to shove the cards up her ass.

Q: Has joining the army changed you, and if so how?
A: This one may be explained over time, but I'll give it a shot.

I suppose yeah, it has changed me, in many ways. I probably don't see it as vastly as people back home would. I never really drank before the army, but then again I was 19. I don't play guitar as much, and I'm not as tidy, both of these I blame on my constricted living conditions. That, and when you get off work, all you really want to do is relax and take a breather before it all starts up again.

I don't have quite the same sense of humor before. I looked at my first few posts, and they were really geared towards....well god knows what. A lot more random weird quips in them. I'm also definitely mouthier. I think that developed halfway through basic training. You get sick of everyone, so pretty soon you just start telling them to fuck off.

I gained some weight too.

I understand a lot more about hard work, and about how little things are more important. About how a good friend is the best thing to have in any shitty situation, and no matter how bad a day sucks, it will always end. The small stuff isn't so important.

Maybe more on this later. Like I said, the third person perspective is the one that sees all the changes.

1 Comment:

  1. jentard said...
    i think you intimidated some of your teachers cuz you're smart (not necessarily booksmart, just smart). i would've paid to see you and old b-zant go at it :) ps i still say the iq test lied and mine's higher!

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